It had been a long week at the office. I had spent it doing things like making business, and then selling business to people who were interested in owning some business made at Business Incorporated, at which I was a common business drone. No more and no less important than the other business drones with whom I shared a working space to produce business. I should digress, as I don’t want to bore you with the details of business production and distribution. I could go on at length about it as the work I do within the system of business is how I define myself, and the thing which I am most qualified to speak on.
However, like many of us business producing business workers, I like to say things like “I work hard business-wise, and I play hard, by which I mean drink myself into oblivion 6 nights a week.”
I take Sundays to recover so I’m feeling less queasy for Monday morning business. “Don’t be businessing on a Monday morning with a gin-soaked stomach.” is another thing I like to say. That one hasn’t caught on so much.
It should be obvious by now that I am considered to be the office card. A real cut-up. A jokester. If this were a classroom, I’d be the class clown. People love it when they ask how I’m doing and I say “Great”, followed by a dramatic pause and, “for a Monday”. Timing is very important in comedy, so you need to build tension with the pause. Otherwise, the humour just doesn’t hit as hard. It’s not uncommon for other business people with a less refined sense of humour to indicate to me that I should be a comedian. I think that they are right.
People love things they’re already familiar with, so don’t be afraid to tell jokes you read on the internet.
David J. Hughes (comedy snob)
So it was, at the end of my long week with my nose to the business stone, that I went to watch some stand-up comedy on a Friday evening. I had begun my ritual of getting nearly (know your limits, kids) blackout drunk at 5:03 PM. It would have been right at 5:00, but I had a very important business e-mail that couldn’t wait for Monday morning. My job is very important. Unable to get tickets for an earlier show, I had no choice but to get tickets for the one that started at 10:00 PM. This is the partying hard I wrote about earlier, if you remember.
I was buzzing with excitement as I was led to my seat. I could hardly wait to let the comedians on the show know that I was not like the 25 or so other plebes in the audience. I was one of them, privy to the secrets of timing and subverting expectations. Knowledgeable in the arts of improvisation yes, and referencing jokes made earlier in the evening. The other groundlings in my surroundings would also recognize that I was one of the comedy glitterati in the room, and mentally elevate me in status. I was drunk on anticipation of my coronation, and fourteen spiced rum and colas.
Despite my giddy light-headedness, I knew I needed to pick my shot well. I wanted to make the show better than it could be. To help the performers on stage, and help the audience laugh harder than they would have, had I not been there. Luckily, the opportunity arrived early, and another thing I like to say is, “When opportunity knocks, pick up the phone, ” (hyuk) so I answered the call like it was a very important business call that I often receive while performing my duties at Business Incorporated.
The Master of Ceremonies , or as I like to say, the Maestro of Kimonos (I’m on fire), was keen on getting to know those of us in the audience a bit better. Getting to know who you’re talking to better is an important step to take when businessing, so I could relate to the tactic being used by the Maestro. When he queried if any of us were celebrating on this Friday night, I caught his attention by cheering very loudly, and then proclaimed, “I’m celebrating,” followed by a dramatic pause, “having fucked your mother.”
I had done it. I had used my awareness of timing to subvert expectations and improvised a winning joke that called back to an entertaining anecdote the comedian had made about his mother’s funeral.
I had arrived.
David J. Hughes