Hello there, are you interested in working a Monday to Friday, 9-5 job? How about for a company that values it’s people because they’re nothing without them? One that understands the importance of work/life balance, and that appreciates that the world of business has been built on some morally dubious decision-making in the past, and are ready to say that they exist for people and not for increased market-share?
“Sounds amazing!” you scream into the void. “I would love to work for a company that says those things.”
The good news is that they all say that now. Paying lip service to the fears and worries of the proletariat has become the de facto standard for all large, North American companies. Join the corporate world to have the security of knowing how you’re going to pay off the mortgage you’re going to get as soon as you’ve saved up enough money for a down payment. Once you’ve done that, you can’t just quit working your current corporate job until you’ve lined up a new corporate job, especially if you have dependents. Welcome to the world of success.. fully indenturing yourself to your new corporate overlords, er, family.
The good news is that you won’t be treated as a commodity, a donkey to be put out to pasture as soon as the finances turn red. Instead, like a family member that is disgracing the family name by having the temerity to be born with a desire to be true to oneself, you will be disowned. It’s the same in practice, but one’s harder to claim unemployment with. If you’re lucky enough to keep your job, you will be expected to pick up the work that your now ex-co-workers left behind. That’s right, you’ve won the opportunity to double your workload without your compensation being changed to reflect your new responsibilities. You’ll consider yourself lucky, if you know what’s good for you.
If you hold a position that IT can make easier for you, you may one day benefit from their efforts. Remember that task that took you eight hours to do, and you were expected to perform five times a week?
“Yes?” you respond tentatively. “Who’s asking me these questions? “
Well, what if technology found a way to let you perform that same task in four hours? I bet you think you’d only have to work for half the amount of time, and still take home the same paycheck.
“I-I guess so.” you say, your eyes scanning for tiny speakers.
Well, Mary, you’d be wrong.
“How do you know my name?” asked Mary, panic starting to creep into her voice.
Focus on what’s important, Mary. This is exactly how you get exploited by the 1%. You drop your guard, and the next thing you know, you’re doing twice the work for the same money.
“This isn’t right,” said Mary, “I must’ve finally snapped”.
You haven’t snapped, Mary, you’ve slipped, but you’re correct, it isn’t right. The concept of corporate culture has been invented to place your brain in a jar of formaldehyde. Wet, warm, runny, and smelling of mothballs, designed to lull you to sleep. Don’t question why your wage doesn’t increase when your production does. Don’t wonder about why the temporary extra duties you’ve been assigned since someone left the company have been on your plate for three and a half years now. Don’t think too hard about how your benefits seem to get a little bit worse every couple years, a pay cut hiding like a brain in a formaldehyde. Don’t think about how you’ve been manipulated into feeling like you’ve let your “family” down when you turn down working a little bit late on a Friday because you already have plans.
Make your brain jar a bit more comfortable by adding some gravy mix to your formaldehyde. It feels great on your brain folds, plus it helps maintain your electrolyte levels.
David J. Hughes (neither scientist nor chef)
“What are you even talking about? Why are you telling me all this?” Mary squeaked. The blood had drained from her face, and her heavily pandemic influenced hairstyle, caused her to resemble a dollar store Ally Sheedy. “Wait, can you see me?” Mary raced around her tiny apartment looking for cameras. She wasn’t going to find any.
You ask a lot of questions, Mary.
I’m talking about how you’ve been lied to, about how you’ve been leveraged with a false promise of work/life balance and a corporate structure that cares about your needs. Can you prevent the scales from tipping when someone up the chain makes a promise they shouldn’t have? Corporations are like abusive boyfriends, swearing it’s the last time they would work with governments that cover up human rights violations just because the money was too good to pass up, and besides it’s these deals that keep you in boxes of Kraft Dinner and tanks of unleaded gasoline. They’ll make you think that they do these evil things for you, and you should count your blessings that they have the cojones to make the hard choice to make a profit at the expense of their soul. Obviously, corporations don’t really worry about this, as they are primarily made up of tax-evading, off-shore bank accounts containing money, and not souls.
Are you happy, Mary?
“Wh-what?” tears stream down Mary’s face, “I don’t know, I g-guess so. I’m just so scared right now. Please.. I’m begging you. Leave me alone.”
You’re right to be scared Mary, the world is designed to chew you up and spit you out like a piece of flavourless Juicy Fruit.
Hang up the phone, Mary, I see what you’re trying to do.
Mary whispered into her phone, “Hello, 911? Please help, I’m hearing anti-capitalist voices, and I’m terrified.”
No one can help you.
“Hello?! Hello?! Did you do this, did you disconnect me?” Mary’s eyes were beginning to bug out of her head.
You’re trapped.
“What do you want from me?” Mary screeched.
If you want to be free, you need to see what’s holding you back. I just want you to be happy Mary, and I don’t think that you are. I think that you’ve fooled yourself into thinking that you’re happy because facing the truth feels insurmountable to you.
“What’s the difference?!” Mary screamed. “What difference does it make if my happiness is borne out of a truth or a lie?! I can accept your truth and be miserable like you, dragging everyone down around me, or I can suspend my disbelief and enjoy the illusion. Happiness is just a feeling, so what does it matter why I feel happy? If I fooled myself into feeling something, am I not really experiencing that emotion?”
Huh, I hadn’t thought of it that way.
Never mind.
David J. Hughes