Thank you for your unsolicited feedback on my artistic output. I will take your feedback under the consideration it deserves, which is to say, not at all.
Your high opinion of your knowledge of the medium in which I work is a misplaced confidence stemming from the belief that what I do is so easy that a trained monkey could do it, and you believe that you have more talent and a stronger work ethic than that of James, the trained creative writing monkey. Please understand that James’ training in our shared field has given him a perspective on what we do that you do not possess. As such, feedback on improving a joke is going to have more import coming from James as he is well trained in both joke and short erotic fiction writing. More importantly, James knows to keep his opinion to himself until he is asked for it. You could do well to ape James.
Frankly, your insistence that you can “fix” the setup or punchline of a joke without having gone through the process of writing and refining a gag, or the climax of a 3500 word narrative about light bondage, not having spent hours writing descriptively about the shape of knots and the feel of the various materials ropes can be made out of against the inside of a wrist, is laughable. Not laughable as in “that is very funny and by extension you are also funny thereby increasing the weight of your input on comedy but not so much on eroticism”, rather laughable as in “the idea that your input is useful is so bad that I laugh at it only to keep James and myself from suffering the effects of dehydration due to all of the water we would lose by crying at the sadness of the whole thing.”
Ooh ooh, aah aah! Ah ah ah ah ah!
James Bananawitzski – Monkey, MFA
Given that your comedic output is likely defined by regurgitating popular memes you saw on the internet and straight up joke stealing from whichever late night talk show host you watch the next day on YouTube of should indicate to yourself that you are not qualified to offer up ideas to “punch up” a comic’s bit. Your lack of comedic originality or creativity is a monkey on your back, and unlucky for you it’s not James. (Ed. – Consider a story about a monkey on someone’s back for your collection of short erotic fiction Oompa Loompas in Heat 2).
I understand that with today’s technology, fans are more able than ever to reach out and contact creators directly with their criticisms, suggestions, and requests. All sent with the underlying message of “If you want to make more money, do this, and if you don’t do my thing I’m going to hold my breath until I turn blue and then tweet about how you tried to suffocate me.” I’m sure that many members of many fandoms would read this and think that it’s a perfectly reasonable stance to take, but I suspect that if they were to take a closer look they’d be able to identify a veiled threat in that message.
Now, I have nothing against veils. Much like an over the top choreographed dance, they’re fun at weddings, and not fun at funerals. I need to be clear that the problem is with the threat. I can’t identify the moment when everyone decided that it was acceptable behaviour to strong arm the people who write the things that they enjoy to change endings (Ed. – James thinks it had something to do with Mass Effect 3 or the Star Wars Prequels. He’s positive it was nerds that started this trend. He also wanted me to say that he finds it ironic that the only trends that nerds start involve online harassment. He wishes you’d all start cool trends instead of trends that spark suicidal ideation in others, but understands your limitations.), but you need to realize that it’s the author’s job to write, and yours is to experience what they wrote and if you don’t like it, that’s what fan fiction sites and vanity blogs are for.
The next time you’re ready to share your ideas with a creator, whether they want you to or not, about how to improve their work, please write it down and throw it in the trash. We may as well remove a step in the process. Actually, I take that back. Don’t write it down, and don’t throw it in the trash; we need to be more environmentally friendly. In fact, what you should do is take your ideas, and write your own awesome thing, even if it’s only to spite the other creators who have let you down.
Long story, short – keep your two cents. They’re turning green from your sweaty hands and no one want to touch them. Go take a shower, and ask a doctor if your oddly-corrosive sweat will get your name into future medical textbooks.
David J. Hughes